Saturday, December 31, 2016

The Ending is the beginning

As I was thinking on doing a post for the close of this year,I relised that the last post that I wrote was on the 1st day of this year. HUH Now ,where has this year gone?Oh yes, see the pretty lady in the picture.That is my mama and I lost her unexpectedly this past January .Well,I mean on the unexpectedly part,she has been sick was most of my memory(I'm 43) but she always got better till this time she didn't.It still hurts to think of her gone,I want her back but that is selfish of me.It doesn't change the fact that it is true.My twins(that is who are in the picture with her),they turned 15 the other day.They are 13 ,fixing to turn 14 here,in this picture.We have almost had a year without her,and I mean my little family(me,my huh,our twins) when I say we because right now selflessly that is whom I am thinking about .We live right next door,(my father had been having health problems before this and he was staying with my brother then and is now staying with my sister and I'm grateful to them but my thoughts are on my little family right now).  I want my son to be able to show her his latest creation,for my hub to go over and ask her"Hey pretty lady,when are we going out dancing ?",to hear  her and my daughter  fussing (it was a language was them :)  ) I want but can't have and that pain hurts.

But I can't live wanting(I've done it two much this year) . So ,what do I do?Well,to quote my mama"You need to get your tail in gear and live." And she is right.

Now,she is still with me,looking over my shoulder, but that is ok for I still need her advice but now I will use it as she meant for me too.I shan't say that I still will not get sad and hurt but I need to leave that to this year ,and honor her with a life lived with my little family as she wanted me too.

So ,goodbye, 2016 hello 2017. A toast "To a life lived" .

And to all who face depression ,in any form,please find someone to talk to and never be ashamed of taking medicine to help.

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